MoonShadows - Riah's narrartaion

Chapter 1:

Changing

I was in the forest. It was Sunday I always sat in the forest by the creek on the weekends it helps me think. It is the only place, in the whole of Woodsville that I can be myself.
I have light blond hair and I am skinny I have white skin which is tanned just a little bit.
It’s the first place my friends look when they want me. I had been sitting here all day and I like it the only thing that bothered me was the mosquitoes but I got over it.
I heard someone approaching where I sat on the bridge that some kids in the area built, automatically I got up to go hide in the bush not many people know that I spend most of my time in the forest and I rather keep it that way, only my friends knew that I went I here.
“Hmmmm.”Someone said deep in thought. “Maybe Misty is not in here” they said to, it sounded like, someone else. But no one answered her.
I knew this person she was one of my best friends her name was Agua but all my friends and I call her Lua.
I pounced out from my hiding place, she had her back turned, I nearly landed on her. She turned so fast that I didn’t even see it and in a few seconds she had me pinned to the ground.
“Ow, Lua.” I whimpered as she sat on me.
Lua has dark brown hair that matches here brown skin and brown eyes.
“Serves you right you should never attack when the persons back is turned.” She said.
“It seems that you knew that I was coming” I replied, remembering her quick movements. “Um, can you hop off me?”
“You weren’t exactly quiet.”
“Well, anyway why did you want me?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, your Mum sent me to find you and tell you that you need to go home for dinner.”
“Oh.” My face fell, I thought she just wanted to sit with me at the creek not that she had been sent. “Wait, why were you at my house any way?” I asked.
“I was looking for you and first I went to your house and your mum said that you went for a walk and she asked me to go find you because your dinner is almost ready.”
“Ok, let’s go then I don’t want to get into trouble. Maybe you can stay for a while.”
“That would be great if I didn’t have homework.” She said sadly.
I wish she could come but I know how parents get with their children and homework. So we were better off if she did her homework. I just remembered that I had never heard Lua talk about her family.
We left the forest and went our separate ways to our homes.
“Bye, I will see you at school tomorrow.” I say as she left my side.
“See you.” She said
I ran up the hill and around the corner to where I live and went straight inside. I ate dinner then escaped to my room.
My room was an alright size, I had a single bed and the walls were boring beige. My computer sat on my desk next to my TV.
I was tired so I got changed and went to bed and I was glad when unconsciousness overtook me.
The next morning I walked over to my friend Elise’s house to go to school. She didn’t like going to school with my other friends so I walked to school with Elise and from school with my other friends.
As I got to Elise’s house I could here Elise yelling at someone most likely one of her brothers. I knocked; Elise answered the door and let me in.
“Hey April.” She said “I’m not ready yet.”
Elise had light blonde hair and, though she didn’t believe it, nice healthy curves.
“Ok.”I replied.
When Elise was ready she said goodbye to her mum and we left.
When I looked up at her she was staring at me. “What.” I said.
“You look a little different today what have you changed.”
“Nothing, not that I know of.”
I was surprised, why would there be something different about my appearance if I didn’t do anything different than I normally do.
We were at school now; all the buildings were a shade of either purple or dark blue.
I said “goodbye.” To Elise and went to find Lua and my other friends. I found them in the library which is where we meet but we normally meet outside.
“Hey, guys.” I said to them.
“Hey.” They all said.
I had gotten to school quite late so it was time to go to class. School past quickly, Lua and I always went into the forest and by the creek which was near our homes.
“Did you know that you look different today?” She said quietly.
“Oh man, not you too.”
“What you do, honestly.”
“Everyone has said that to me today.” I was angry now because I was sick of people saying that I look different.
“Geez, I’m just sayin.”
I exploded, it felt like I was on fire, it hurt, I cried out in pain because it went right down my spine and stayed there. I fell over in pain; I was on all fours gasping for air because I could hardly breathe.
My heart was beating so fast I couldn’t hear its beats anymore. Why didn’t Lua do something, I looked up and Lua was as white as a sheet staring at me eyes wide with shock and pain because she could see the pain that I was in.
Then suddenly the pain stopped. I fell to the ground and I looked at Lua. She started moving again as I looked at her, her eyes still wide with shock.
“What happened to me?” I asked her. I could see in her eyes and knew that she knew exactly what happened to me.


[the next chapter will be posted next week, feel free to comment]

here is chapter 2

chapter 2

Half-blood

“Finally I’m not alone anymore.” Lua said with shock still in her eyes.
Then suddenly she crippled over forward and then in her place was a small white wolf with two bright yellow eyes.
Then there was the strangest sensation I could fell someone pushing their way into my mind, then I heard Lua.
“You have joined me now.” She said to me.
“What happened to me?” I asked again.
“You need to calm down enough to phase back into your human form.”
“Why?” I said confused.
“Because you’re a tiger and I am a wolf.”
“True.” I said, and then what she said dawned on me. “Tiger, what am I a tiger?”I was confused now.
“Yes, go check your reflection.”
I walked over to the edge of the creek and where my human reflection should be was an animal. Not just any animal it was a white tiger a rare kind, only one in five cubs of a litter are white and most tigers only have two cubs.
I looked up; Lua was staring at me, eyes wide. “What” I said to her.
“I have been like this waiting for you.” Her voice was sad.
I felt sorry for her; she had been waiting all this time for me to join her in this life. I was confused why she hadn’t just told me about this, and then I would have been prepared for what just happened to me.
While I thought this all over Lua just stared at me with the same wide eyed expression.
“I don’t understand.” I said to her. “Why couldn’t you just tell me this was going to happen to me then I could have been prepared for this?”
“Please wait till we phase back at least then I won’t worry that someone is going to walk in and see us.” She said, worried.
I thought for a minute. If she was worried about someone seeing us then no one was aloud to know but who had told her not to tell anyone and who told her that I would be like her, too.
“How do I change back?” I said remembering the pain of the transformation.
“Shift up onto your hind legs.”
I tried what she said to do and after a few times I felt the flame go up my spine like it was sitting at the bottom of my spine all along but this time it pushed me up onto my hind legs instead of on the ground. Lua has already phased.
“Ok now that I have phased back can you tell me what happened.”
“You are half animal and half human, like me you turn into your most loved animal.Bunny and Coco will join us soon now that you have.”
I thought about that for a while. Lua just waited patiently for the next question and finally I had one.
“How do I have animal blood in me both my parents are human.”
“Your love for animals binds you too them in way that no one else is, giving you the power to talk to the animals.”
I kept asking my questions and she answered them without hesitation. As I am like her now. We are now equals.
“This is my last question how did I phase for the first time anyway?” I asked.
“You phased because you got pissed off and then you just exploded, that was your transformation. You also need to watch your temper so that you don’t go phasing in public people can’t know what we are unless it is necessary.”
“Okay.”
“Come on we should probably go home.”
“Yeah let’s go.”
I went home that night thinking of what I have become. It may be a gift, It may not; I’ll need to see what happens to me in this life.

Hmmm, it's sort of funny, but I have a story like this I've been planning for three years. It's different and stuff, but sort of weird that it's the same idea. maybe I'll post it sometime.

that would be great

it gets better as it goes along its still introducing everything

I posted my intro up.

And as for your story, do you want me to comment what I think, or not? I am a very tough commenter and stuff, so...yeah.

i wouldn't mind having a few comments because then i can improve it if it needs it

Good thinking. I must warn you, though, I judge very hard. Others might not do it as hard, so don't feel bad.

First, right off the bat you need to use comma's in the right places. If you look at the first scentence, you can see.



“Finally I’m not alone anymore.” Lua said with shock still in her eyes.

You could put one after the said, and after finally, and it just makes the story sound like your not some person who's too lazy to put them in.

Second. The punctuation at the end of a scentence. in one, you said 'What." It has a question mark at the end. I suggest you read through the story, and read it the way it sounds by the way it's written, not the way it's written in your head.

Lastly, you probably need to order the wording differently. It seems that because yuou have just transformed into this animal, your bored and tired. You need to be confused, angry, explosive, etc. Put more feeling into the writing.

Things I like: I like how you use the effects for the speaking. Instead of saying 'said' after everythhing, you add something after it, like this:

“You are half animal and half human, like me you turn into your most loved animal.Bunny and Coco will join us soon now that you have.”
I thought about that for a while. Lua just waited patiently for the next question and finally I had one.

That makes the story more beleivable.

thanks for that my friends said that it was great but i think they just didnt want to say how bad it is

Well, I'm glad I could help. Is this as far as you are, or are you going to post more? I think I'm almost done with my first chapter, but then I need to edit it.

ive got more it just im writing my 3rd book too so i am doing that lately i also have to do all my school work. but i will send one in a minute. im sure your waiting to see what happens next.

The others
I woke up the next morning, and was getting ready for school without thinking about it. When it was time to go, I left the house and went around to Elise’s house. I knocked; she came to the door bag on her back and shoes on. She was ready to go which was a first.
We ran to school without speaking I was in a rush to be with Lua and the others.
When we got to school I said goodbye to Elise and went to find the girls. They were waiting for me.
“Hi guys.” I say. I was still thinking about what happened yesterday but I moved it to the back of my mind for later.
“Hey Misty.” They replied automatically.
“Hi.” Lua whispered too slowly. Shooting me a glance that says to watch my temper around ‘the humans’, I just smiled at her. She laughed.
The others just watched us laugh and then joined in.
Coco her brown curly hair always in a ponytail, she had white skin and her real name is Chloe.
“What are we laughing about?” Coco asked. That just made us laugh again.
“I think Lua and Misty were having a silent conversation.” Murmured Bunny.
Bunny has white skin and is healthy for how her body is built she always has her hair in a pony tail as she claims that it always gets in the way.
“What was the conversation about?” Coco says to us.
“Misty just smiled randomly that’s all.” Lua replied.
I went to class the others going to their classes, too.
The day passed fairly quickly. Today all of us went to the forest which doesn’t normally happen as at least one of us always has homework, but not today.
“Misty, can I talk to you for a minute.” Lua suddenly says.
“Yeah sure.” I could tell from the tone of voice she used that it was about us and maybe the others.
We walked away from the others into the trees and away from the clearing that the bridge is in.
“They have the differences that you had yesterday in them today they are going to change today, I’m going to force them to change.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to push them. You take Bunny I will take Coco.”
We made a plan to go into the clearing running flat out and charging them into the creek in our animal forms and run out again and then appear moments later into the clearing.
We phased, we weren’t that far from the clearing so we went to the edge of the clearing to see our targets I locked in on Bunny and at the same time as Lua, I charged at Bunny and Lua went for Coco.
I shoved her into the creek and ran back into the trees and I heard the splash of Bunny and Coco falling into the water. Lua and I did a lap to the spot that we left the clearing from and phased into our human forms again.
We stepped into the clearing to see what we did to them. But in the clearing was not Bunny and Coco but a butterscotch coloured horse with a white strip down its nose and a small black fluffy rabbit dripping with the water from the creek. They looked at us and we looked at them. Then we gave up and I phased into my tiger form and Lua into her wolf.
“You shoved us into the creek.” Bunny accused us
“Yeah now you’re like us you see.” I backed up waiting for an attack
“Yeah we realised.” Bunny said advancing on me. “How do I change back?”
“Not telling.” poking my tongue out at her. “Bunny, Bunny, Bunny.” Then she started repeating the word over and over.
“Hey, hey, shut up bunny, this is awesome; there is no reason not to like it.” Coco yelled over bunny.
I laughed at her, she glared at me. I just lay down on the ground and let Lua do the talking.
I didn’t know that I fell to sleep. I only found out when Lua shouted in my ear.
“MISTY!”
Startled I got to my feet in one swift movement and a hiss slipped through my teeth thinking that someone was attacking us.
“Sorry.” She laughed. “It is time to go home.”
I just realised that we were alone. “Where are the others?” I asked quietly.
“They’ve gone home, that’s what happens when you fall asleep,” She explained. “You missed all the talking.”
“Well good no talking YAY!” I said. She glared at me. “I don’t want to go home.”
“Well ask if you can sleepover, then we can come back to the forest.”
We ran up to my house to ask my mum if I could stay over and she was fine with it so we got my clothes, school stuff and some money for lunch.
“Where do you live?” I asked Lua.
“Come with me.” She said as she went into the forest.
I followed her into the trees and then into the clearing with the creek, Where she Phased and sank to the ground. I put my stuff to one side and phased too.

Sort of confusing, but good....also, make sure to stay in one tense. You switched from past tense to present tense. Do either one or the other:

I walked silently through the dark, cold forest, and whispered to the trees.

Walking silently, I whisper to the trees, in the dark, cold forest.

i cant seem to ever get that right now matter how many times i edit it

I'm sure you'll get it eventually. Just keep working hard!

the next chapter will be on tomorrow

Alright, great. I can't wait!

The Elders
In the forest we were chasing the fish in the creek and having lots of fun, when that got boring we climbed out of the creek and laid down next to it to dry off.
Then I heard a flapping noise and the scurrying of feet coming closer to where we lay. I stood up; Lua knew why I was standing up.
“Don’t Misty.” She warned. “You will stop them from coming.”
“Who is coming?” I replied from between my teeth.
“The elders they want to speak with you.”
“Oh, okay.” I relaxed and laid back down on the ground.
“You may come in now Sammy, Levi, and Silver.” She says into the darkness.
After she said it, three animals stepped into the clearing and greeted us warmly. There was a squirrel, a goanna and an owl.
“Hello animans, I am Sammy.” said the squirrel though the last part was directed at me.
I wonder why she called us animans.
“Why did you call us animans, Sammy? I asked her.
“Didn’t you tell her?” she says to Lua.
“No I figured that it would be better for you to tell her and now the others.” She replied. “They changed this afternoon.”
“Oh okay I suppose that we should fill her in on the basics now.”
She turned to me, I waited.
“We called you animans because you are humans that can turn into animals it could have been humals but animans sounds better.”
“Why did you make us be able to turn into animals?” My curiosity had gotten the better of me and it slipped out.
“Because we have watched you since you were young and you have always protected animals and we have decided that you can help to protect us as we can’t protect our home with the humans trying to destroy it.”
“You just want us to help you protect your homes and that is it.”
“Yes, you are welcome to join our home if you like Lua here lives in this place.”
I looked over at Lua she was just watching the conversation with no emotion on her face.
“Sorry, but my home is here, in the human world with my family. I will help to protect your home and I will help the animals for as long as I shall live to protect animals and the other animans I will protect these things with my life.” I was breathless by the end of it.
“We understand your decision but we would like to welcome you to our home anyway you are welcome to come here when ever there is a need of us or if you would just like to relax.” Sammy says. “Please come and see our beautiful home a place that we call Wild.”
I looked over to Lua she nodded.”I shall come to if that is okay.”
“I am Silver. Of course you may come to wild you need to, to protect it.” Says the owl speaking for the first time.
“Yes I will come to the wild with you and cherish it until we die protecting it.” I say
“Follow us then.”
I grabbed my stuff with my teeth and followed the others through the forest.
We followed them to a wall of rocks it looked solid but was it. Why had we stopped here? I asked myself.
“In you go then.” Sammy says to us
I stared at her we will walk into the rocks.
“Don’t worry only animal forms can walk through it if you don’t think about it being a solid rock then you will pass straight through it.” Silver said to me.
I walked up to the rock face and walked into the rock on the other side was a tunnel I turned to wait for the others to come through, but to my surprise they were already behind me.
“Just follow the tunnel.” Silver says
I followed the tunnel the others right behind me; it went around in a bend and then opened up into a new world. There were trees to the left and right of the opening with a massive lake and lots of animals including rabbits, ferrets, elk, other tigers in orange and white, lots of wolves and even horses. It was heaven a great place to be a place that now I will defend with my life.
“It’s so beautiful.” I say still looking around
“Well this is the wild our home.” Says the goanna. “I am Levi.”
“I will protect this place with my life now.” I say.
“You may only hunt outside the wild.” Sammy says to us.
“Hunt, do you mean eat raw meat of animals.”
“Yes, you don’t have to eat it though it just makes you stronger and it also heals you.” Sammy says.
“I will have to see what it tastes like compared to human foods.”
“Remember to eat some human food in front of the Humans so they don’t get suspicious for why you won’t eat human food.”
“Can I go hunt then go meet the tigers.”I say.
“Yeah I want to go off with the other wolves too.” Lua says.
“You two can go we need to have some rest.” Silver says.
“Ok.”

Nice chapter! I'm happy to see you wrote more.

ive finished writing this whole book i just finally got round to putting up the next chapter here you can have the next on too.

First Hunt
We ran back through the tunnel and out of the rock passage. We went to the creek I peered over the edge of the bridge and into the water waiting for a big fish to swim by.
When I found one, I dived into the water and grabbed the fish around its body with my teeth. Then I leapt out of the water and onto the soft dirt of the forest floor with the fish in my mouth.
That was really easy, I thought to myself, maybe it is in my instincts.
Lua landed next to me a fish in her mouth too and she shook her head once saying that it was time to go back to the wild. I led the way back fish in my mouth which is now dead.
I walked through the rock face as if I was walking down a street and passed straight through it easily. When I got to the end of the tunnel I stopped. I put the fish down on the ground and I started to eat it, it tasted very good.
When I was done all of the fish was gone but the skeleton, I looked back at Lua who had also finished her fish. She had the skeleton on the ground in front of her like me.
“I will go meet the other wolves now.” Lua says. “I will come get you when it is time to go home.”
“Ok. Where exactly is you home?” I replied.
“I will show you when I come to get you.”
“Ok.”
Just then Lua raised her head and let out an earsplitting howl. I fell to the ground blocking my ears with my paws trying to block out the sound when it had ended I got up. In the distance I heard some answering howls to show where the other wolves were.
“Roar as load as you can.” Lua says to me.
I roared only it sounded like a growl which made animals turn towards me in alarm. When I was done I waited then I heard a faint roar of the other tigers in the mountains.
“Goodbye Lua I shall see you soon.” I say to her.
“I will come get you when we need to go. Let me take you stuff I will drop it off by my home.”
“Ok.” I said as she grabbed my stuff in her mouth
Then I ran through the trees towards the mountains. I found the other tigers in a big clearing with a small river that the tigers were jumping in and out of.
A white tiger came up to greet me.
“Hello I am Taro.” Says the tiger. “Welcome to wild.”
“Hi I am Misty it is nice to meet you Taro.”
“It is nice to meet you too Misty.” He says.
“I am new here I have only just joined the animal world I am an animan. The elders have brought me to this place with my wolf friend Lua, to help protect it and I will protect this place with my life now.”
“I am an animan too. I spend all my free time here in Wild and I go to school back in the human world.” Says Taro.
“I live in the human world I am living two lives.”
“What town do you live in? I live in the town outside that tunnel and through the rock face and into the forest.”
“I live there too.”
“What school?”
“Woodsville High.”
“Class?”
“11B”
“We are in the same class at school and we are both animans.” He says surprised. ”But your real name can’t be Misty, is it.”
“No it’s not, my real name is April. Taro is not your real name either.”

“No.” He admitted. “It’s Renny.”
The other tigers were just watching the conversation their heads going back and forward.
Just then Lua came running into the clearing. The tigers growled at her automatically, “Go back to your own clearing.” Says one of the tigers.
Lua ignored them and came straight to me. “Come on Misty it’s time to go.”
“Oh this must be you wolf friend Lua.” Taro says before I could answer.
Lua glared at me. “You told your tiger friends about me.” She accused.
“Taro is an animan like us; he is in my class back home.” I said backing myself up.
“Oh ok. Hello Taro.”
“Hi.” He looked uncomfortable. “I need to go home to my family, excuse me.”
He walked out of the clearing and towards the exit into Woodsville.
“Come on.” Lua said walking towards the spot where Taro had vanished.
I followed her through the forest and up another mountain. We walked towards another rock I half expected that we would have to go through that one too.
But Lua turned away from the rock face and followed it down to a clearing where there was a tunnel going into the rocks. She went down into the tunnel and we came to a hallway of doors that were about five meters apart.
She turned of at a door and used her paw to open the door. In the room were two beds made from leaves and next to one of the beds was my stuff.
“Well this is my home.” She told me. “It is time to sleep.” She said walking over to her bed and laying down in it.

I laid down into my bed and easily fell to sleep